My colleague and friend, Michelle Pauk, recently published this note exploring what silence might imply –
“Silence means consent.” But does it really? Silence can mean a lot of things. Sometimes it means…
· I’m confused. I’m afraid I’ll look dumb if I ask a question.
· I disagree, but I've learned there’s no point arguing.
· I'm frustrated. I’ve tried to share my opinion before and no one listened.
· I’m disengaged. I'm not even paying attention to this conversation.
The next time you’re tempted to declare what silence means for a group, try making an observation and asking a question instead.
“I’m noticing it’s very quiet. What should we make of that?”
You might be surprised by what happens next.
Next, Michelle posted this video supporting the topic.
But there might be more…
Taking my inspiration from Michelle, I thought I’d add a few meanings to her interpretation of silence. It might also mean…
I’m angry and upset by the topic; I don’t want to be here.
My kids were up all night, and I was exhausted.
I don’t feel included; nobody wants to hear my voice anyway.
I don’t have anything to offer right now, maybe later.
I’m about to resign, so I don’t care.
I’m having some challenges with my health and don’t feel up to it.
I have some trauma around this topic from a previous job(s), and I’m not ready to face it—again.
My boss has already decided and is simply going through the motions.
I agree in principle, but I don’t see it happening.
Blah, blah, blah is all I’m hearing.
I’m assuming positive intent and hope.
I imagine myself on the 18th hole at Augusta with a score of 70 currently on my card.
And that’s just an extension of Michelle’s sampling.
A quick story
Two years ago, my daughter Rhiannon pivoted from a 15+ year career in child social work to a Scrum Master role at a software product company. After a few weeks, I asked her how it was going. She said that her teams were reticent to interact. No matter what she did, they wouldn’t engage with her or each other. She contrasted that with her social work colleagues, who were never quiet. She said—I don’t think they like me very much.
My initial reaction to her was—I wouldn’t assume that. I told her that developers were my peeps; many of us were introverts, often not very communicative, and not to assume something bad because of it. I said it’s probably the opposite. I’ll bet you’ve brought some fresh air into the team, which they appreciated.
The story's main point is to not assume anything about folks being quiet.
Wrapping Up
I guess my overall reaction is that we should admit—
We don’t know what silence means. It’s an individual thing, so categorizing what we believe it to be isn’t a good strategy.
Instead, we need to explore it by hearing from each voice. Somehow, in some way, we need to encourage everyone to share their perspective and cut through the silence.
Of course, psychological safety is a huge factor, and you can’t simply eliminate or ignore it.
But as coaches, leaders, facilitators, Scrum Masters, and Product Owners, we need to establish the ecosystem or space where silence is broken by the beauty of all voices weighing in.
Stay agile my friends,
Bob.
Oh, and Thank You, Michelle for inspiring me!
And here’s a follow-up story that Michelle shared after this one.