I talk a lot about the first step in coaching any client (individual, system, team, etc.) is to build a relationship, gain empathy and understanding, and then gain an idea of where/how to help initially. So, do NOT start to coach until you’ve done some relationship-building.
But what does a coaching relationship, or a professional relationship in general, look like? What are aspects of that? Here are a few things that come to my mind—
Making + taking the time.
Explaining what you do—what is Agile Coaching.
Building some empathy; walking in their shoes; understanding where they are coming from.
Meeting them where they are.
Listening; reflective listening; building metaphors together.
Connecting with their language, not yours.
Sharing your why…show them that you care…really care!
Making + taking the time; Being curious.
Finding out what keeps them up at night.
Having deep expertise (technical, business/product, organizational, leadership, agile).
Building trust. Earning trust. Giving trust.
Partnering with them on one of their biggest challenges; solve or reduce it.
Bringing your whole self to your coaching.
Showing your experience with respect to their context and challenges.
Share options; having the experiential option to share.
Being and staying authentic – vulnerable, genuine, and real.
Don’t just ask questions, don’t just tell; Show! Model!
Walking your talk.
Take ownership of your mistakes; they’re not your clients; they’re yours.
Having the willingness and ability to have some Skin-in-the-Game
Willing to roll up your sleeves
Willing to partner on solutions
Willing to be held accountable or be responsible.
Willing to “own it!”
Making + taking the time
What about your relationship-building in your coaching—
What do you think an effective Agile Coach to Client relationship looks like?
And how do you build it?
What’s unique about your clients and your relationships?
What did I miss in the above list?
Here’s to your future relationship-building!
Stay agile, my friends,
Bob.
A conversation with Chris Laney about Relationship Building
Chris Laney is the CEO of Zenergy Technologies in Greensboro, NC. I’ve known Chris for over 20 years as a consulting industry partner, colleague, boss, and friend.
One of the things that makes Zenergy’s business operating model or practice unique is that nearly 100% of their business is either repeat or referral-based. That means they are establishing trusted, resilient, high-trust, and reoccurring relationships with their clients, some spanning decades.
And a large part of the reason behind this is Chris’s skill as a salesperson. But to me he’s always been more of a relationship builder.
In our conversation, he spoke about the importance of—
Honesty and Openness
Building Trust
Showing Vulnerability
Active Listening
Focusing on the positive—fun, joy, and passion
And, importantly, he really cares about those he’s connecting with.
One of his favorite entry questions is not about their job or profession but asking someone—
What do you do for fun?
What gives you the most joy?
Where do your passions lie?
Tapping into understanding the person before understanding their role or their business.
Connected for Life
In this LinkedIn article, Chris describes what he views as advice for networking, or as he prefers to say it, staying Connected for Life.
He shares five keys for networking that I think are directly applicable to your relationship building as an Agile Coach—
Be Authentic
Have Fun
Make your goal—How do I help others?
Be approachable
Discover what works for you
Chris shared a story with me about permitting himself not to build a relationship if his heart wasn’t in it. Even if he was “supposed” to be building one. The point was to—stay true to yourself and go with your energy and passion. Don’t force it.
The one thing that stood out most for me
Chris's point about starting and building relationships with storytelling was my biggest aha.
The first thing was to better understand your client’s story by asking them to share it—
Their Story
Where do you come from? What was your family journey?
What is your professional journey? What was your first job like?
Tell me about your childhood or education or your experience in the military?
What’s made you who you are?
And, along the way, sharing snippets of his own story to align and resonate with theirs.
To use the power of storytelling to build an understanding of each other as people and, therefore, begin to build a relationship.
Another way to think about it is by asking each of your clients to share their Hero’s Journey story with you. And, if they don’t understand that metaphor, share it with them and help them explore their Hero’s Journey. You might gain a more nuanced awareness of your client by walking that journey with them…at least for a bit.
Wrapping Up
Chris is a master at building resilient, long-term relationships, and I appreciated his time sharing his thoughts on this crucial skill.
When I first asked him to do it, I felt he hesitated. He does it so naturally that I don’t think he fully grasps what he’s doing nor how powerful it is. It’s become just a natural part of who he is.
That said, I think it’s a skill we should all be working to build and strengthen.
Stay agile, my friends,
Bob.
And here’s a fantastic thread on LinkedIn initiated by Vicki Braun about storytelling –
https://www.linkedin.com/posts/vickibraun_storytelling-journaling-activity-7149468310466695168-f3sR/
AND, Stuart on Visual Storytelling - https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/picture-perfect-measuring-impacts-visual-drive-business-stuart-young-fzlpe